i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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