would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
