Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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