Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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