My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize