I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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