drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
