He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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