dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
