I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
