Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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