Don't you send me to vm
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
