I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
