hotel room ftw
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
