Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
