oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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