There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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