Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
