just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
