I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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