I think my vagina is haunted
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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