i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
