Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
