did you get engaged???
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
