So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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