so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
