They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
