i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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