Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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