i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
