LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
