How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
