Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize