i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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