ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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