All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
