DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
