Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
