week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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