Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Someone signed my nipple.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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