The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
