my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
