living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
