Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
