note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
