your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
