ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
