I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
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My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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