Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
