Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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