I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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