We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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