i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
