you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
