Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
