this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
