I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
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I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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