How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
