Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Barsexuality is the new black.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
