Taylor Swift is so right about you.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
