I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
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