Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
