I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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