i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
