I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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