Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize