I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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