she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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