My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
