I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
