i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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