my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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