I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
